The Adventure of Life

always changing...

 

I was happily looking ahead to next year and all my children being happily in public schools for the first time ever.  I spent my mornings contemplating all the time I would have for my blogging, reading, painting, organization, etc., etc. And then it happened, a small little nagging feeling in the core of my being.  I started to think of how much I was going to miss my 5-year-old being with me throughout the day, about how much I actually enjoy our morning snuggles, our reading on the couch, our afternoon game time.  The desire to homeschool once again started to bubble in my spirit, but I pushed it back down right quick. No, I did not want to give up my time, oh all that glorious time. Visions of me relaxing on the couch reading a book filled my mind, but that feeling wouldn’t stop, it was relentless. Then it expanded that little desire became not just homeschooling our 5-year-old but our 8-year-old as well.

I had many conversations with Daddy about this desire, and what it exactly meant and looked like for our family.  I felt fear come in about this desire to homeschool, so much so I was overwhelmed.  You see the last time we homeschooled I had all four kiddos home and it was so very difficult on me and not very enjoyable for any of us.  That fear made me doubt my abilities, my sanity, my desire as being authentic.  I teetered between wanting that time all to myself and the desire to have my children home. Back and forth I felt tugged between them both.

I just keep going to Him, day after day, asking him to show me what it’s all supposed to look like.  Asking him what I truly desire, and if my desires are his desires. Asking Him to show me what is His best for our family.  I let him persuade me of His truth, that I am fully capable to carry this out.  That I can take and find the time for myself despite being with my kids 24/7.  That he will provide those moments that I desire of relaxing on the couch with a good book in spite of homeschooling. That I could have both in a sense.

He showed me that this journey of trusting him in my relationship was much the same as this journey to trust him with homeschooling.  That there needed to be a deconstruction of all that I knew about education, all those years of book learning needed to be torn down so that he could reteach me what school was to look like for our children. Much like my journey about of “religion” and into beautiful relationship with Him.

He showed me that my greatest asset is not my Master’s Degree in Education, nor my organizational skills or creativity, it is Him.  Yes, all those things are awesome and important but to have the source of all truth and wisdom is infinitely more valuable.  To be able to go to him when something with my kids learning isn’t working and say, now what?  To know that I don’t have to have all the answers because he does. The best news is we all have that same access to Him.

He showed me that sometimes the decision to homeschool isn’t just about what you will teach the child academically that year, that it can be more about what you will teach that child relationally.  What you will speak into that child identity wise, that it could be more about a season of protection and building up than it can be about imparting academic wisdom.  How closely this relates to our fathers very heart for us.

Maybe it’s simply about allowing the child to feel empowered by letting them select a topic they enjoy and just coming along for the ride.  Maybe it’s about letting the child go unrestrained into this new way of learning and not requiring them to stop for the day when the scheduled lesson is done.  Maybe it’s about knowing that some days will be spent on hours of grammar because that’s what she wants to do and the next day grammar won’t even come into play as the outdoors is calling and knowing that, that is OK.  Maybe it’s about building relationships and learning to simply trust yourself and your abilities. To learn to love learning all over again from the ground up.

Oh, how closely that can mimic where God has me at right now with Him.  His focus is on teaching me about real relationship with him and what that looks like, it’s about deconstructing the misperceptions I had and focusing me on my true identity and value. In this journey, he is protecting me and building me up day by day. He is less concerned about my “book” knowledge and more concerned about my relational knowledge.  He is empowering me in my abilities to hear and connect with Him and is allowing me to run this race unbridled and full of excitement and passion, no rules and regulations or to do lists hinder this race any longer. The chains are broken and I have been set free.

Some days this race is run full speed ahead and others days it resembles more of a slow trot, but either way he is showing me that both are perfect. He is showing me that this pace that I am on is my own and that I can trust it and Him. That it’s about learning to trust myself, and to trust who He is showing me that I am.  I am learning to love this glorious adventure and I am somewhat sure I will also enjoy this new season of going back into homeschooling.  One thing for sure is it’s a glorious adventure and I have the best teacher right here inside of me.

Going Through Difficulties

Where are you God?

There are many times in our lives when situations occur that are very hard for us to humanly reconcile where God is at in all of these things.  We try to equate these things somehow to His character, or it being His hand.  In doing so we are taking out of the equation the very real world that we live in.  This fallen world that is upheld by our own choices.  This world that allows us free will so that the true love of God can be received not by force but by choice.

I have struggled over things that I have seen, things that have happened to me personally in my life and to those closest to me, wondering where are you God, where were you in this? In my own understanding, I can try to equate these things to God, I can try to reconcile this with human logic and understanding, but there is another way.  A better way.

What if we went to God and simply asked him, where are you in this? When we are going through great trials and trouble what if we asked Him to show us what He was doing in it?  What if we asked where were you in that, as we look back on things from our past that were painful and left us feeling confused, hurt and alone.  Do you believe that he would show you? I do.

I have done this with some of the most painful times in my life, times that were turning points for me in how I saw myself.  Times that I blamed myself, judged myself, punished myself for. It took me a while to be in that place where I trusted Daddy enough to go there with Him, where I allowed myself to ask those tough questions even when I was sometimes afraid to hear the answers.  One thing I have come to understand is that He is so very good, we need not be afraid.

I have done this with times when I so expected to see Him move and heal and the healing didn’t manifest as I expected.  I asked those tough questions, I fought it out in a way with Him as I wrestled with my grief.  Does that mean he wasn’t there in it, that he caused it to happen? No. I can ponder in my own understanding if His inaction meant he allowed it to happen, I can wonder if it was somehow His will, however to do so is to entertain human reasoning, not His own.

We can readily go to the source of divine knowledge and understanding as we carry it within us where ever we go. We can ask Him those tough questions, wrestle out our own understanding with Him. He doesn’t mind, he embraces us and relishes the opportunity to speak life and truth into us. I have found the difference between going to my own understanding and going to His, is that His brings peace, comfort, and even joy.  That doesn’t mean there won’t necessarily be grief, or a sense of loss, or even a bit of feeling stretched which can feel uncomfortable at best, but His truth is always a healing balm to our battered souls.

I pray that today you would be ready to take those tough questions to Him, that you would have the comfort with Him to trust that He is good and would be confident in who He is enough to ask.

 

What is Worship

I just wanted to talk to you a little bit of what the Lord placed on my heart this morning, when I was walking the dog. He talked about what worship means and about what true worship looks like because He was taking me to John 4:23. But the hour is coming, and now here, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.

I was just thinking about what worship means because when we were under the Law, what I believed worship was something we did on Sunday before the sermon. We listened to the music and sang to the Lord and raised our hands and just really sang out to Him. In my mind, that was what worship was. Then I started to study it a little bit more for an  event that I went on. I actually read a book on worship and it was very interesting. This was all stuff that I had done while I was still not understanding Grace and the love of our Father towards me. So this morning I really just wanted to understand what worship meant. As I was walking and listening to some music, I asked the Lord, “Lord, what does it mean to worship You? What does that word, worship, really mean?” Do you know what He said? He just  told me that worship is recognizing and believing the truth of who He is. I was like,“Wow, Lord! It’s that simple? It’s just recognizing and believing the truth of who You are?” As I was walking, I had my phone and started to google different verses because I want to know if this is really true. I wanted to see the biblical backup to it, not that I don’t believe what He told me or what I heard. He went on and said, “Your spirit is acknowledging your true heritage. It’s knowing whose we are and receiving His love and goodness and grace and truth as Jesus showed us when He came.” I thought, “Wow! That’s what worship is?”

As I’m walking and typing in a search for verses, He takes me to John 4:23 But the hour is coming, and now here, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.

I was thinking, “Hmmm… What is a true worshiper, Lord?” because He said that the hour is coming and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in Spirit and in truth: for the Father is seeking such people to worship Him. I looked up the word, true, and it emphasizes an organic connection or authentic unity. That’s what that word means. It’s authentic unity between what  is true in its source or origin. So it is really the unity between us, our original design, and God. It refers to what is essentially true, connecting visible facts to its underlining reality. This is all from Strongs and the Word Concordance. It emphasizes the integrity of what is true down to its inner makeup. It’s the reality of what is true inside and out. So, “true”, is the reality of who we are. True worshipers get their identity, they get who they are and who God is, and only then can we really worship the Father in Spirit and in Truth, because in the Greek, “Truth” means reality. I thought that was super interesting.

To worship in Spirit and in Truth, is to recognize the reality of who we really are and that is what He is calling us to do. I’m thinking, “Okay, if we look back at that verse, But the hour is coming, and now here, when the true worshipers (those who truly know who they are, who see the integrity of what is true down into their inner makeup… that’s the definition of “true”) will worship the Father in spirit and in truth I am like, okay, we are going to worship Him in Spirit and in truth. How do we do that?  What then is spiritual worship if we worship Him in truth that means we worship Him with understanding that inner makeup of who we truly are. So then what is spiritual worship as it is talking about there?

Romans 12:1-2  I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

When I was under the Law, I was believing that verse meant that I needed to present my physical body to Him as a sacrifice that whatever He wanted me to do, that I would do it. I was there to serve Him. I was His servant to do whatever He asked. The Lord is really breaking down that verse for me and showing me that as a daughter and as a son, it has a different perspective when we look at it from our true identity of who we are, than what I originally believed when I thought that my main role was as a servant to the Lord and that was what He created me for, is not the truth! He created me for intimate fellowship with Him, with the Trinity!

That verse says, I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice… The word, present, here means to come up close beside; to stand close beside. So we are supposed to stand close beside Him with our bodies. We don’t need to run away like Adam and Eve did! He is saying, “Present your body, come up close beside, as a living sacrifice.” The word, living, is from the word, Zoe, which is God life. It is to experience God’s gift of life. We can’t stand close beside God if we believe that we are not holy or worthy to. We just can’t do it. If we believe that we still have to earn His approval, we are not going to feel confident and comfortable standing close beside Him, next to Him, on the same level as Him. Servants would never do that! They wouldn’t stand, next to, close beside and shoulder to shoulder with their masters.

He is saying that we need to come, stand close beside Him with our bodies, to present our bodies as a living a Zoe life, a God life, sacrifice.  “…holy (holy means the likeness of nature with the Lord, set apart) and acceptable to God…  (It means to stand by God and agree with His view of us, that we can and are experiencing God’s gift of life, His very Zoe life, and that we are set apart and holy, just as Jesus. That we sacrifice our own works to try to make ourselves like God and simply believe that we are already like Him because of Jesus. That is what that verse is saying. Let me read it one more time. “That we are to stand close beside God in agreement with His view of us that we are and can experience Zoe life, God’s gift of life, and that we are set apart and holy just as Jesus. That we sacrifice our own works to try to make ourselves like God and simply believe that we are already like Him because of Jesus.”

That same verse in Romans goes on in verse 2 to say, And be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your mind He is saying, “Listen to what the world is saying that you are because you are not going to be able to stand beside Me, shoulder to shoulder and experience My life if you are not seeing yourself the way that I see you.” So He is encouraging us for that renewal of the mind, that mind change, that metanoia, that repentance, that change of mind that only He can bring about. That is what they are talking about there. It says, the renewal of our mind, the changing of our mind by Daddy’s truth is what allows us to be true worshipers. When we can see ourselves as He does and believe that, we can confidently approach Him as sons and daughters.

He was just showing me that what I used to believe isn’t the truth. Worship isn’t begging God to do something. Worship isn’t convincing Him that we are worthy to be loved and to be blessed. It isn’t a sacrifice to prove ourselves acceptable to Him.  He doesn’t need those things from us. That is not what He is calling us to do when He’s calling us to worship. We are already all of those things to Him. So if we are worshiping to try to convince Him that we are worthy, try to show Him that we are worthy to be blessed or that we are trying to prove ourselves to be acceptable, we are not truly worshiping Him.

To truly worship Him would be to stand beside Him in agreement, shoulder to shoulder, and say, “I am who You say I am.” That’s what it means when it is talking about the true worshipers worshiping Him in Spirit and in truth. Our spirit resonates with the truth that He speaks to us and we stand and say, “Yes, that is true!” Out of that acknowledgment of our true identity, our true heritage of knowing who we are and receiving His love, comes worship, effortlessly, effortlessly flowing out of us. It’s that worship that effortlessly flows out of us because of the fact that we realize the goodness of the true Gospel. We realize the goodness of Daddy’s heart towards us.

True worship flows out of that acknowledgment of our true identity is in Him. Worship in many verses means to kiss. To kiss someone you are usually intimate with them. You don’t just go up and kiss a stranger.  I was thinking about that because if I am thinking about it as a parent/child relationship, how do you kiss your child? How does your child kiss you? Do we make our child bend down on their knee and we present our hand to them and we have them kiss our hand? No! We would never do that! I’m not going to have my kids bow down before me and bend down to kiss my hand. I don’t think you do that! I wouldn’t want anybody to do that but that’s kind of how I had viewed that type of intimacy with Him. That He would hold out His hand and I would kneel before Him and I would kiss His hand, kneeling, bowing down before Him. It was out of a servant mentality.

He is just showing me that game that we play with our kids. We call it “Mooch Land.” It’s where, when putting them to bed, we say, “We are going to take you to Mooch Land! And they squeal and we catch them and kiss them all over. He said, “Julie, that’s the intimacy that we have together. You kiss Me and I kiss you back because it’s that parent/child, bride/bridegroom relationship.” I had never thought about it that way. Like how I kiss my son’s little face all over, Daddy does that to me. He kisses my little face all over just as much as I kiss Him, He kisses me right back. I had never thought about that. It is like I just saw that when we are true worshipers, not only do we long and desire to kiss Him, because we recognize and receive His amazing love for us, but He kisses us, all the more, right back because He is so enthralled by us!  He is so excited that we are seeing the truth of who we are and we are living and walking in His Zoe life which is what He has always intended for us. He gets excited about that!

So He was just showing me some other scriptures that show how when we identify and understand who He truly is, that we can’t help but worship Him. Sometimes we may bow down in total awe of Him but not because we are putting on a show, not because we are performing, not because we feel that we have to, but it is because we are so overwhelmed by His love. We are so overtaken by His love for us that we can’t help it! It’s like we can’t do anything but that!

He showed me some verses in the Bible where people did that.

Matthew 2:11 The Magi bowed down and worshiped Him because they realized the true identity of who Jesus was. They worshiped the Babe because they knew,  they saw the truth of, who He was.

Matthew 21:9 and John 12:13, their hearts are crying out, “Hosanna, Hosanna!” That’s an expression of  adoration. That’s because they realized who Jesus was. They realized who Jesus really was and so they were shouting out that worship because they recognized who He was.

Matthew 14:33 He said that those who were in the boat worshiped Him saying, “Truly, You are the Son of God!” They saw Him for who He truly was.

Matthew 28:9 When they realized that it was Him, they came to Him and clasped His feet and worshiped Him.

Worship is really a state of our spirit that we have to know God, that we have to know the truth of what a good God He is. It’s basically a response that flows out of us effortlessly to knowing the truth in our spirit. It should be something that is effortless that it flows out of us naturally. It should never have to be forced. It should never be anything that we put on our “To Do” list, our “Check Off” list or we feel obligated because everybody around us is doing it. That does not honor Him. That doesn’t look anything like what He wants us to do.  He wants us to simply stand shoulder to shoulder, next to Him, and experience His Zoe life and realize the truth of who we are.

I want to just go back to the beginning where we started from the definition He gave me this morning: Worship is recognizing and believing the truth of who He is. It’s our spirit acknowledging our true heritage.  It’s knowing who we are and knowing and  receiving His love, His goodness and grace and truth, as He showed us.  And out of that, worship will flow effortlessly.

I just pray that blessed you and you that you  have a great day. I thank you for watching and I am just going to pray over you because I feel led. “Lord, I just thank You for every single person who will hear this message. I pray that you will reveal more and more as to what true worshipers really look like, as to what  worship You truly desire from us.

Lord, I pray that You would show us our unique ways which You created for us to worship You. I thank You, Lord, that we are each different. We each have our own special, unique talents and giftings and callings, Lord.

I just feel that He just wants to encourage you to ask Him to show you what worship looks like for you. I just believe He wants to show you because He loves you that much! I also believe that He wants to go to Smooch Land with you and to kiss your face all over and for you to know that you are worthy of that love, that type of love, that Fatherly love… unconditionally.

Anointed

What does that mean?

Do you realize you are anointed? Well you are and that is amazing news! Don’t believe me? Good we should always be looking into things for ourselves and not just taking others words for it. I’m going to show you, however, with scripture that this is true of us, and Jesus. If you already do believe me, this is still for you if you have never dug into what being anointed means? I hadn’t fully before today and what I found was such a blessing to me I had to share it all with you.

What does anointing even mean? 

(From gotquestions.org/anointed.html)

The origin of anointing was from a practice of shepherds. Lice and other insects would often get into the wool of sheep, and when they got near the sheep’s head, they could burrow into the sheep’s ears and kill the sheep. So, ancient shepherds poured oil on the sheep’s head. This made the wool slippery, making it impossible for insects to get near the sheep’s ears because the insects would slide off. From this, anointing became symbolic of blessing, protection, and empowerment.

I so love this beautiful view of Daddy’s tender care of us.

Let’s look at what the bible describes it as:

In the Old Testament Hebrew it means:

Anoint=Mashach (maw-shakh’) anointed, paint, to rub with oil, to consecrate

Anointed=mashiach (maw-shee’-akh), from Mashach, anointed, a consecrated person, the Messiah

In the Greek it means:

Anoint-chrisma (Khris’-mah) from Xrio “anoint with oil”, a smearing, referring to the teaching ministry of the Holy Spirit, guiding the believer into the fullness of zoe life. From the root word

Chiro-(khree’-0) to anoint by rubbing or pouring olive oil on someone to represent the flow (empowering) of the Holy Spirit. It’s the idea of contact to consecrate to an office or religious service to anoint. To show you are a chosen one.

Acts 10:38-how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power. He went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with him.

People and things in the bible that were anointed

  • Prophets-to proclaim God’s word (1 Kings 19:16)
  • Priests-to hold the position and carry out the tasks necessary (Exodus 40:13)
  • Kings-so they could rule (1 Samuel 16:3, 13)
  • The Sick-to be healed, there was no healing before Jesus became anointed. For more on this I encourage you to read Bertie Brits book Born from Innocence where you can see more about Jesus baptism made is possible for him to heal the sick. (Mark 6:13)
  • Objects-to be set aside deemed holy (Leviticus 8:10)

Jesus was anointed!

Matt 3: 15-17 But Jesus answered him, “Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then he consented. (Consent here means to lay aside, let go, omit.  When we lay aside our old beliefs and believe what Daddy showed us through Jesus we are baptized.)

And when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him; and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”

Acts 10:38-how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power. He went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with him.

No one was allowed to harm God’s anointed (1 Sam 24:10; 26:9) So how did Jesus die? They Pharisees and Jews did not recognize Him for what he truly was. Why do we have death in areas of our own lives because we don’t fully recognize who we are and walk in it.

Let’s look back at the above list to better understand what that meant.

  • Jesus was anointed as a prophet to proclaim God’s word.
  • Jesus us anointed as a priest to hold the position and carry out the tasks necessary.
  • Jesus was anointed as King so he could rule forevermore.
  • Jesus was anointed to be set aside deemed holy.

Jesus knew he was anointed, he saw the dove land on his shoulder, he heard his father’s voice. We can see this in Luke 4:19 when he references Isaiah 61.

Isaiah 61: 1-3

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;[a]
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;[b]
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.[c]

So we know that Jesus was anointed but what about us? 

1 John 2:20 But you have been anointed by the Holy One, and you all have knowledge.

Knowledge here means to have seen or perceived, hence to know.)

We know we have been anointed because the Holy Spirit lives in us.  He is our constant reminder that we are anointed.

1 John 2:27- But the anointing that you received from him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in him.

John 14:16-And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.

So we have been anointed and our proof is the Holy spirit in us and he will never leave us.

Let’s go back to our list again this time looking at us from our viewpoint.sheep-anoint

  • I am anointed as a prophet to proclaim God’s word.
  • I am anointed as a priest to hold the position and carry out the tasks necessary.
  • I am anointed as Son/Daughter of the King so I could rule forevermore.
  • I am anointed and set aside as holy.

Are there any of these areas that are hard for you to believe?  If there are ask Daddy what is holding you back from believing that truth about you.

You are a prophet of Daddy’s word, you are a priest who can dwell in the most intimate places with Daddy, you are a Son/Daughter a prince/princess because you Papa is the king. You have been set aside as holy.

John 10:14 I am the good Shepherd. I know My sheep and My sheep know me.

Let’s reflect back one more time on how that looked under shepherding as Jesus is our shepherd. Remember that anointing originated from a practice of shepherds. Lice and other insects would often get into the wool of sheep, and when they got near the sheep’s head, they could burrow into the sheep’s ears and kill the sheep. So, ancient shepherds poured oil on the sheep’s head. This made the wool slippery, making it impossible for insects to get near the sheep’s ears because the insects would slide off. Also at certain times of the year clouds of flies, mosquitos, and other insects would attack the shepherd’s flocks.

Jesus loved us so much he poured that anointing oil over us so that no bad thing would get on or under our skin but even more he did so to keep them out of our head because if they got here in our hers it would kill us.  He came so that we could have life, His life.  What an amazing parallel to the way that unbelieve and lies can come in and kill us with thoughts that are untrue about our original design.  Praise God that he is constantly persuading us about the truth of who we really are.  Praise God that we can rest in His work in us. Blessings.

To watch the video on this teaching click here.

A New Year

Sometimes it’s very easy to look at your current life situation and see no progress. You are overwhelmed in the now and it consumes all you can see. However, when you actually take a moment to reflect on the bigger picture of things you realize that there has been tremendous progress.  I was thinking that just the other day, that I was not progressing in certain areas that I really wanted to. Daddy encouraged me to stop and take a look back at where I was just a year ago.  Can you do that? Can you take a moment right now and think back as to where you were at compared to where you are now?

When I did that I saw the mighty hand of God moving dramatically in my life over the past year.  I could see several promises that had been fulfilled and several more given to me by him that brought forth hope and expectation. A year ago I would have never imagined where I would be at right now in my life. There has been much change in my life and our household and for that I am grateful.

2015 entailed us leaving our old church, transitioning into several new amazing friendships, completing training to do personal ministry appointments that were Holy Spirit centered, I learned how to more fully walk in Daddy’s Grace and love. I am better equipped to hear his voice, and I learned what real intimacy is supposed to look like in marriage. We saw our first vacation as a couple since our honeymoon, started homeschooling again and saw my online ministry take off beyond my wildest dreams. I was blessed to speak life and encouragement into many beautiful people who so filled my soul. I started a new job working with and loving on the elderly during their last days and I was able to see my own beauty through Daddy’s eyes.  Never would I have seen this coming a year ago.

I’m a beautiful work in progress and I can rest in that. I’m an awakening of His love in me and His kindness and goodness.  He has spoken tender words of mercy and grace over me this year, lead me into deeper revelations of who he is and who I am, and given many beautiful words and pictures of encouragement.   When I look at how far he has brought me in a larger space of time I can’t help but be overcome with awe of this journey we are on together.

It’s so easy in a moment to focus on the now and forget exactly how far we have actually journeyed with Him. I am thankful for the freedom he has led me into, and the freedom he is leading me into.  I am thankful for a relationship of intimacy with the one who loves me right now where I am.  As we enter into this new year, this is the word I have received from him and am released to share with you. I look forward with great anticipation to 2016 and all the amazing things it has in store for each of us.  I appreciate each of you and pray today that Daddy would take you on a journey of refection of how far he has brought you this year! Blessings, Julie

When you are walking in the love of my grace the need for others approval of you fades away. The need for acceptance and recognition disappears and you only see me, my eyes fixed intently on you. Long gone is the need to impress, long gone is the need to fit in, you are now in a position to simply be who I created you to be and be happy in exactly that. No comparison, no judgement, no expectations of what being looks like because it just is who you are, you can’t not be you. As you allow yourself to be engulfed in this new season of unconditional acceptance of self the joy you have longed for, the healing that has been so close but so far, manifests effortlessly. You laugh and love and enjoy each and every circumstance, your perception of what was once annoyances changes and you are able to finally see my hand in every situation that you encounter. Your hope rises up as you see the promises come to fruition which births more hope and more and more, a continuous birthing of newness is in this year. Newness of self perception, newness of finances, newness of love, newness of deeper intimacy and newness of calling. This is your year to explode to reach out of the box others had put you in for far to long and shine brightly like the star you were created to be. To draw others to you by your realness and love and compassion for their freedom. This is your year to explode and bring home the power that has always been yours to walk in. This is your year to let go of the past and fully embrace the newness of self that was yours on the cross all those years ago. Now is the time my love, now is the season, NOW that is the word for this year for your life. NOW!~Abounding Grace Prophetic

You Are Not a Burden

You Were Made for Extravagence

Yesterday the Lord uncovered another lie (stronghold) that I was believing about myself.  He showed me that I believed I was a burden and a bother to other people. He brought me back to when this lie first took hold and showed me that it occurred during my second pregnancy, that ended in abortion. (I wrote about that here if you’d like to read more about it.) He showed me that everyone around me that I loved was more concerned with how my pregnancy effected them and their lives that no one really took a minute to ask or see how it was affecting me. I heard a lot of “How could you do this to me?”, “Don’t tell anyone you are related to me”, “You are no longer welcome in our family unless you get rid of this child,” “You are destroying me life.” There was so much Me, Me, Me from everyone around me I was suffocating. (I hold no ill will to any of these people, I fully believe they were doing the best they could in that moment but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t deserve more, that was not God’s will for me.)

The lie took hold with a vengeance that I was nothing but a burden to others. I felt alone, very alone, and I had to deal with this all by myself. There was so much hurt and pain surrounding this, it was so deep I didn’t even realize it was still there.  I felt so valueless, so worthless, so much of a burden and hinderance ruining everyone’s lives, so I had an abortion because that was what they said would solve it all.  It may have for them, but for me it did not.  I wanted that beautiful child with everything within me, my sweet daughter Suzanna would have been 20 this November, and I continue to grieve this loss to my life. I am thankful for Daddy’s journey of healing and I don’t think you ever get over losing a child, but you can get to a place where you can forgive yourself.IMG_7135

This season changed me, it lead me to not trust others, to rely on myself, to lose any sense of self-worth I had.  I felt the new need to prove I was not a burden, to prove my worth.  This became especially evident in my marriage, but really it manifested in any relationship where I deeply loved the other person including close friendships, and my family.  If I loved someone so much, I didn’t want him/her to think I was a burden, so I set my aim to prove to them I was worth it. I would do and do and give to the point of exhaustion. Even when I was sick, I would make myself do, so Jason (my husband) and my children wouldn’t have to. Why, because I didn’t want to be a burden, I didn’t want Jason to have a reason to leave because I was afraid he would see I had no value. My value was tied to my doing, I couldn’t see any value in myself that would make others love me.  I loved him that much I didn’t want to lose him.

When Daddy revealed this to me yesterday I was able to finally see and release the hurt and pain it had caused for twenty years of my life. I was able to see that I would not only do to be valuable but I would also push people away that I loved so deeply because I didn’t want to lose them. If I pushed them away first then I was still the one in control and they couldn’t hurt me. I was able to share all of this with my husband and he allowed me to just be in the pain, to simply cry in his arms and let go of the hurt that had hidden itself for so long beneath the facade of do.

Daddy showed me that the truth to the lie was the word extravagance, he said “You were made for Extravagance.” I feel like many of you need to hear that today, You were made for Extravagance. Extravagance means excessive and unnecessary expenditure or outlay of money, unrestrained or fantastic excess as of actions or opinions.  Daddy created me, created you, to live in his extravagance. We are the outpouring of his extravagance.

I’ve lost many friends from this pushing away, and I know I’ve hurt many people, and for that I am deeply saddened. I was unable to love my brother like myself because I didn’t love myself. A sweet friend of mine that Daddy has brought into my life on this journey to healing once said to me, “You can’t make me not love you.” She said this to me after I was trying to push her away because she had gotten to that safe point in my life where I really was starting to care for her.  Her simply words rocked my core, “You can’t make me not love you.” Never before had anyone said that to me, no matter what her love for me was unconditional. That my friends is the love of Jesus and we can not love others in that manner until we get to the point of being able to love ourselves. Blessings.

Conversations with Daddy

Revealing my Inner Battles

This is one of the most difficult posts I have ever shared.  It lets you in to such an intimate place in my heart that it is scary for me to put it out there, but I hear Daddy calling me into the deeper still and I trust Him.  I know that there is someone that needs to read this and so I will share those places of myself that I often keep private for you, for your freedom.  I pray that it will speak truth into you.  What follows is my private journal from this morning, it’s my intimate conversation with the one who created me and knows me better than myself. It’s about my battle with beauty and worth, and value. I encourage you to put your name in where mine is as you read this post. Blessings!


Julie:

If I could convince you of anything today it would be how loved you are, how special you are, how gorgeous you are. When you look at yourself in the mirror and see your physical imperfections, when you analyze your shortcomings, condemn your actions; beat yourself up for not seeing the progress you have hoped for, my heart breaks. You do not see the Julie I see, you do not know the Julie I know, because if you did none of those things would even matter, they would fade away in my glory.

My beloved you are Loved. I know you struggle with your weight and the scale and how your physical body looks but that is not who you are, I know even as you type this you don’t understand but a day is coming very shortly where you will. You will get that the physical body is not you, it’s a shell to allow your spirit to have a shape while on this earth. I know that you have been bombarded with what it is suppose to look like, that it is somehow your responsibility to take care of it yourself, but that is a lie, that is a lie from hell, that is self-reliance. That is you focused! Why would I take care of every minute detail of your life only to say OK your outward body is your own responsibility?

(But Daddy aren’t I the one who must sleep and eat and rest to take care of it? Don’t I make the choice of what I put into my mouth and if I exercise? Aren’t those my responsibility?)

NO, nothing is your responsibility, your responsibility, your work is only to believe that I have done it all, even in the thoughts of your physical body. Yes, you choose what to eat, but who persuades you? Yes, you choose to exercise, but who persuades you? Yes, you choose to rest and sleep, but who persuades you? Me. My sweet I hear you ask, why haven’t I persuaded you in these areas in the manner you think I should have? Why? Because it’s not yet time. I’m much more concerned with your spirit and soul than I am with your physical body that fades away. What if there was never a time again that I called you to exercise? What if I called you to sleep more? What if I only wanted you to eat cookies all day long? Would you trust me then? What if I wanted you to weigh more, then what? Would you no longer trust my best interests for you because they went against your own?

(Daddy Why is my outward physical appearance so important? Why is that how I define my beauty? What is my true beauty Daddy? Truth Lord Truth.)

You are a strong leader, a voice speaking truth that leads others into my beauty of Grace. You are a healer, a prophet, a mom, and a wife. You are a role model to those behind you and a visionary to those before you. You are sensitive and kind and you see my life in others. Your beauty is your kind tender heart much like your sons, but you are also physically beautiful even though you can’t see it.

(Why can I see it in others but not me?)

Because you don’t feel worthy of seeing it, you see yourself as less than because you weigh more than what the world says you should. You are ashamed and embarrassed by your body right now because it doesn’t look like you think it should. You have a standard set for yourself that is a sliding scale, even when you reach it, it readjusts so that you never really get there. Ask me what my standard is for your physical body.

(Daddy what is your standard for my physical body? I see a 16, I see me playing with Isaiah lifting him up outside as we play in the fall leaves. I see me walking Marley (my lab) and dancing with Jason, I see me riding bikes as a family and eating popcorn in front of the TV. I see me having coffee only for breakfast and knowing that it’s OK not to eat breakfast because I don’t’ want it and it’s ok to have a snack before bedtime because that is how you created ME.)


Friends we don’t have to play by the earth’s rules because we are not from this world. His rules say be happy, enjoy life, leave the work to me and allow yourself to see you the way I do. That is my prayer for each of us today that whatever battle is raging in your life that you would stop trying to fix it yourself that you would lay down the self effort and simply trust Him to bring forth what needs to be in His perfect timing, even if it doesn’t look the way you think it should.IMG_8355

Nehemiah 8:10 “Then he said to them, “Go, eat of the fat, drink of the sweet, and send portions to him who has nothing prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Agape Love-Part 2

Beloved Bride

This is a continuation of my previous post on Agape Love and how that refers to the characteristics of God and of Jesus.  If you have missed the first part of this post you can find it here. We were comparing the qualities of Agape Love to God and Christ. We were looking at how that relates to us as sons/daughters and as the Bride of Christ. I don’t know about each of you but there where some characteristics that Holy Spirit showed me that I wasn’t fully convinced of yet of the character of God, did any of you have that too?  If you did be at peace, God wants you to know Him even more IMG_7993than we want to know Him.  He will continue to persuade us until, he does not give up as we will see in todays continuation.

Love (Agape) is patient, and kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not arrogant, or rude, it is not self-seeking, and is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, it does not delight in evil, it rejoices with the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres, Love never fails.

7) Does not seek its own: to worship, desire his own way, require his own way, enquire for Himself. God’s love is unconditional without conditions worship of him, us doing what he wants us to do has no effect on His Agape love for us.

Daddy (my Beloved) allows me to have my own way, whatever that may look like. He doesn’t require me to worship Him, His love is without conditions he chose me before the foundation of the world, before I could do one thing. Ephesians 1:4

If your God doesn’t allow you free will to choose, makes you worship him or feel guilty when you don’t do the things you feel are expected of you, that is not His Identity. (Guilt is never of God)

8) Is not provoked: to incite (“jab”) someone to stimulate their feelings, roused to anger

Daddy (my Beloved) does not try to take jabs at me and make me angry or inside negative feelings in me. If your God points out your faults and failures and try to make you feel bad about yourself, that isn’t His identity.

9) Does not take into account a wrong: reckon, charge with, a wrong: inner malice, inwardly foul, rotten, inner malice flowing out of a morally rotten character, wickedness, inner evil.

Daddy (my Beloved) doesn’t keep a record of my wrongs, He doesn’t bring any charges against me or count or even consider any wickedness or malice or horrible mistakes I have made. (Please note that when we make bad decisions there may be consequences that arise from those due to the world but Daddy doesn’t) If your God reminds you of all your past mistakes and wants you to focus on your sin nature that was already crucified in christ instead of focusing on your true nature, righteousness, that is not His identity.

Conversations with Daddy

Dead Works

Today I was a little disheartened that I still was struggling with unbelief in the same two areas of my own life, self-worth and financial provision. I felt like I should already be at that place to totally trust in Him in these areas and frankly I was beating myself up a bit about it. I want to be at that place of full trust.  I was talking to Daddy about this (otherwise known as prayer) and he gently said to me:

“Rest in this process my sweet. Look at how far you have come in such a short time, you only really began to allow yourself to know the real me my love less than a year ago.  It hasn’t even been a year since I revealed to you that I was a good father and you were able to receive and believe that truth (divine persuasion leading to our belief=Faith).  You have just begun to see and understand that I am for you, that I love you, that I am not going to ever leave you.  Allow me the time my love, as with any relationship, to persuade you of these things you struggle to believe.  Allow me to show you that I am a man of my word, I am for you, you can count on me, there is so much more for you to learn and discover about me.  Allow yourself that time, be at rest in this moment you are in, let me love you my daughter the way I created you to be loved by me. I’ve been persuading you from the very beginning.  I’ve been speaking tenderly to the deepest places of your heart calling you to me. Rest in my loving embrace my sweet, and know I will complete that which I have started. You are my joy.”

He drew me to Hebrews 8:12, For I will be merciful toward their iniquities and I will remember their sins no more.

Let’s add some Greek definitions next to the words for a deeper look. (as always I encourage you to check them out for yourself, I love Biblehub.com)

For I will be merciful (forgiving) toward their iniquities (unrighteousness) and I will remember (recall, call to mind, mention, remind oneself purposefully) their sins (missing the mark, not sharing, forfeiture because of not hitting the target, not of faith of self effort) no more.

Daddy thank you for being forgiving towards me when I struggle with unbelief, thank  you for your tender mercy when I struggle to believe my righteousness through your finished work on the cross. Thank you that you do not recall, or remember any of it, that your promise to me is that you will not even mention it, because of Jesus finished work on the cross.

Hebrews 9:14: how much more will the blood of Christ who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the Living God.

To many of us are still relying on dead works to serve our Living God, but Jesus came to purify our conscience from that lie.

Looking at this with some Greek definitions next to the words this speaks even deeper. How much more will the blood of Christ who through (on account of) the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify (make clean, unmixed, remove all admixture) our conscience (seeing the becomes knowing, and thus see, self-judging, co perception.  From suneidon=sun-joined close together, in tight identification, eidon-visible form, shape, appearance, to see, what is physically seen from eido=a view) from dead (lacks life, unresponsive to life-giving influences, dead man) works (toilsome labor, tasks) to serve (worship, render acceptable service) the Living God.

How much more will the blood of Christ who on account of the Eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, clean and remove all admixture in our self judging, and what we closely identify ourselves with; from dead works (toilsome labor) to serve (render techinical and acceptable service) the Living God.

Daddy doesn’t want dead works from us, that is not the work he called us to.

The Mirror translations states “God does not demand sacrifice; he provides the sacrifice! The ultimate sacrifice for sins would never be something we did, or brought to God, to appeal to him; but the shocking scandal of the cross, is the fact that mankind is confronted with the extravagant, embarrassing proportions of the love of their Maker; he would go to the most ridiculous extreme to finally convince us of his heart towards us! In order to persuade us of our worth to him, he speaks the most severe scapegoat language: “Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world!” This completely disarms religion! Suddenly there is nothing that we can do to persuade God about our sincere intentions; this is God persuading us of his eternal love dream!”

That is the Good News my friends, that is the truth that sets us free. Out of that truth, out of that realization of Daddy’s love for us will come the fruit, the good works.  When we try to get there the other way around we are just laboring in dead works to serve a Living God that has already made the way for us. Our work is to Believe.

Daddy I pray for each person reading this, I pray that if your words to me spoke to them that they would lay hold of them as their own.  I pray that you would show each of them any area where they are still relying on dead works instead of the finished work of the cross.  I pray for fresh revelation, fresh joy, over each person reading this today.  In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.

Conversations with Daddy

Giving

I’ve been digging into the tithe, offering and giving again and how it looks in the New Covenant of Grace after a friend had some questions on it.  I love to re-dig and look and learn more, this journey of revelation is never over. I think it’s important for us to know what we believe and why we believe it.  That doesn’t mean I will try and shove my belief down your throat, as I fully believe that is not what we are called to do. Neither do I feel I must defend my beliefs to you, if I’m secure in what I believe and why I believe it that shouldn’t be necessary.  However, what I will do is talk with you as a friend openly if you ask me my opinion. I want to be able to tell you what I believe and why I believe it. I should be able to do that clearly, and be able to answer questions that come up.  That doesn’t mean that I will always know all the answers, and that’s alright because to me that is the joy in the journey, the discovery!  We are all still learning, there is always the deeper still, praise God for His revelations.

What I have seen and was once guilty of myself was just taking other peoples opinions about the gospel and its truths on as my own. I read my bible but I really was not digging in and seeking out the truth in each area for myself. I think part of the issue for me was I didn’t think I could.  I felt a wee bit unqualified.  What Daddy showed me is that we each have the same Holy Spirit inside of us. So you, yes you reading this, you can get the same knowledge as anyone else because the spirit inside of you that reveals His truths is the same as mine, your pastors, your next door neighbor theological student, and even your son or daughter. There is no junior Holy Spirit people. (More on that another time)