There are many times in our lives when situations occur that are very hard for us to humanly reconcile where God is at in all of these things. We try to equate these things somehow to His character, or it being His hand. In doing so we are taking out of the equation the very real world that we live in. This fallen world that is upheld by our own choices. This world that allows us free will so that the true love of God can be received not by force but by choice.
I have struggled over things that I have seen, things that have happened to me personally in my life and to those closest to me, wondering where are you God, where were you in this? In my own understanding, I can try to equate these things to God, I can try to reconcile this with human logic and understanding, but there is another way. A better way.
What if we went to God and simply asked him, where are you in this? When we are going through great trials and trouble what if we asked Him to show us what He was doing in it? What if we asked where were you in that, as we look back on things from our past that were painful and left us feeling confused, hurt and alone. Do you believe that he would show you? I do.
I have done this with some of the most painful times in my life, times that were turning points for me in how I saw myself. Times that I blamed myself, judged myself, punished myself for. It took me a while to be in that place where I trusted Daddy enough to go there with Him, where I allowed myself to ask those tough questions even when I was sometimes afraid to hear the answers. One thing I have come to understand is that He is so very good, we need not be afraid.
I have done this with times when I so expected to see Him move and heal and the healing didn’t manifest as I expected. I asked those tough questions, I fought it out in a way with Him as I wrestled with my grief. Does that mean he wasn’t there in it, that he caused it to happen? No. I can ponder in my own understanding if His inaction meant he allowed it to happen, I can wonder if it was somehow His will, however to do so is to entertain human reasoning, not His own.
We can readily go to the source of divine knowledge and understanding as we carry it within us where ever we go. We can ask Him those tough questions, wrestle out our own understanding with Him. He doesn’t mind, he embraces us and relishes the opportunity to speak life and truth into us. I have found the difference between going to my own understanding and going to His, is that His brings peace, comfort, and even joy. That doesn’t mean there won’t necessarily be grief, or a sense of loss, or even a bit of feeling stretched which can feel uncomfortable at best, but His truth is always a healing balm to our battered souls.