Sometimes I fear. Fear that I am an inadequate parent, fear that I am capable in raising them. I so want to do a great job with them but often feel like I have no idea what I am doing. I have a daughter who is incredibly intelligent. She is in 9th grade and got accepted into college based on her ACT score that she took in 6th grade. I like to kid with her and tell her she is that smart because I was getting my Masters Degree when I was pregnant with her so she was going to college before she was even born. She is bored in most classes because she longs to be challenged and thrives on intellectual discussion. She is different beautiful and unique.
I have a son, who needs to move, constantly. He is going from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed, he is loud, very loud, and likes to crash and bump into things for the sensory input. He struggles with reading (dyslexia) and writing (dysgraphia) but is incredible intelligent. He comprehends while moving and listens while not looking at you. He learns differently and because of that has struggled with bullying at school and anxiety. He is a tender-hearted kind young man who desires to please you. He is different and beautiful and unique.
I tell you about these two amazing children of mine because they are so extremely different. Maybe you too find yourself with children that are nothing alike. I often asked God why would you give me children that are so opposite, so different. I feel like I finally am doing a great joy with one and then nothing applies to the other. It’s hard, at times frustrating, but an amazing journey.
It is in these moments that Daddy reminds me that he makes no mistakes, that these gifts are as much for me as I am to them. That he equipped me with everything each one of these unique blessings needs. Even in the darkest moments when I am banging my own head against a wall he is there showing me I can do this. When I wonder if I can take any more repetitive sounds he gives the patience to keep enduring. He’s helped me to realize that each of them are unique and beautiful. That there is no one who better understands them, that loves them more than me, except him. That my love for them is what makes me perfectly qualified to be their mommy.
Even when I don’t know all the answers His very spirit within me guides me into the truth. His Spirit of revelation and wisdom within me is what allows me to parent. I’m not a good parent because of what I do; I’m a good parent because of who I was created to be their Mommy. God knew what he was doing, and he gives us a heart for those He has entrusted us with. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that we are what is best for our kids. We are doing a good job even when we are struggling to see it, even when all we see are our faults and mistakes, our kids see that we Love them unconditionally and that is the greatest gift we could ever give them.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!