Sometimes when my children are struggling in the world it is easy to forget that God loves them even more than I do. When they are hurting, when they are deceived by friends, when they are picked on, put down, made fun of, and devalued this mommas heart gets angry. There are times when I can stop and look at these situations and see the hurting people who are hurting my children. Through God’s grace and revelation these times are increasing, praise God. I can see the child from the split home struggling to find love and acceptance, the girl whose brother committed suicide and feels lost and alone, the boy whose mom died way to soon and hates his life without her, the kids desperate for peer approval because they don’t feel seen or valued in their own home, the teacher going through a divorce. Does this revelation make is easier on this mommas heart? Not always, but it makes me understand why it is happening, it makes me hurt not just for my own children but for those hurting them. It doesn’t make what’s happening right, or acceptable, but it makes it understandable.
My oldest daughter is amazing, she is abundantly smart, artistically gifted and has a firm grasp on God and His love. She hears him, and hears him well. She is her own person, mature, insightful and is very must apart from what the world screams she must be at her every step. I love that about her, that she dares to be who God called her to be without reserve or apologies. However, that makes it hard as a teenager. You don’t fit in, you are different, finding real friends is hard, you are often misunderstood, and that breaks my heart because she is so amazing. I can only try to show her how amazing she is, to instill her true worth, beauty and value deep in her soul. To encourage her that she is perfectly, perfect, beautiful and amazing. She has taught me how to be myself, to not worry about earning the worlds approval and she has inspired me in my creativity. She is a gift.
My oldest son struggles with what the world calls disabilities. They are disabilities that by looking at him you would not know mostly, but they are just as real and just as hard as the ones physically seen. He is picked on, bullied, and hurt by his peers for being different. School is hard, and he often struggles, not from lack of trying. His teachers also often misunderstand him and he has hard days. He is on medication, which we both hate and he longs for friends. This momma’s heart hurts, each and every day. I long for others to see his beauty, to see his compassion and tenderness, to see the amazingness of who he truly is apart from the worldly diagnosis’s. He is smart, creative, and amazing. He just learns differently than what he is taught he is “suppose to.” If others could see the tears, the anxiety, the endless effort he puts in each and every day they would see how strong he truly is. He has a beautiful heart. We reassure him he is perfect, loved and exceptionally gifted and smart. We love him and hug him and affirm him. He has shown me the love of the Father time and again by His selfless spirit and compassionate heart. He is a gift.
My youngest daughter looks just like me. She is the spitting image of myself when I was her age. She is told that often. To this very fact, God opened my eyes, and showed me how I was speaking about myself, this body that mirrors hers. I saw her watching, observing, listening. I stopped, I stopped criticizing my body, my self found faults, and I allowed myself to see my beauty and strength. I let go of worldly perceptions and loved myself. In turn I taught her to love herself, not for who she was on the outside, but the inside. She is a bright light of joy to those who know her. She is a compassionate soul who hurts when others do. She prays for the sick, she sees the beauty in all people. She is a gift, this little me. She freed me from a battle with self-image and opened my eyes to my beauty within. She is amazingly beautiful and kind and tender. She loves without reserve just like Jesus and that smile, oh that smile. What joy.
My youngest son is so funny, loving, smart, and active. He has taught me to slow down and enjoy life. He has brought countless hours of laughter into our home with his wit and charm. His numerous requests to snuggle buggel on the couch that would have normally been met with a “I have to much to do,” have turned into Yes moments that I will cherish forever. Just him and I laying together as I run my fingers through his hair and stare into those wise old eyes. The opportunity to stay at home and be the one to care for him each and every day is such a great gift. I am honored and awed continuously watching him learn and grow into who God intends Him to be. He constantly reminds me to slow down and observe the little things, to enjoy my life in the now. He brings me back to childhood joys of coloring, jumping in puddles, and Play Dough. His kisses and hugs warm my heart and his smile melts away every care. He loves me because I am His mom, nothing more, nothing less. It is unconditional and beautiful. He is a gift.
God sees it all; he knows each of them better than I, he created them, he knit them together inside of me. When I remember that and allow myself to give my cares and concerns about them over to Him and trust Him with them, I am at peace. He gently reminds me that He gave each of these precious children to me. That the gift of them wasn’t just for what I could give to them, but what they could give to me. He reminds me that He has fully equipped me with exactly what I need to help them grow and blossom, and he has fully equipped them with exactly what they need. He makes no mistakes. This gift is double sided and beautiful. Wether it be your biologically children, adopted children, or spiritual children, there are no mistakes. What gift, what freedom, what beautiful unveiling are they bringing in your journey?